are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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