Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
