so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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