Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
