I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize