this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
