She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Green mimosas i think yes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
