this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
