Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
