I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
