can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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