Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
