She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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