Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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