best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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