my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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