I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
