he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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