Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think my tv is drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
