and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
