You're my little dorito
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
