found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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