is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
