ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
