Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
