we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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