"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
