does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
