I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize