Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
