so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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