omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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