He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
