i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
