can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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