so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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