how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
