Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
