Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
