Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
