Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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