Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
