Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
