I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
