You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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