Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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