Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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