I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
