too bad you live with your parents still
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
