got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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