Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
