she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
