I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
