Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
