she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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