I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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