Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
