he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
