so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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