So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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