If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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