when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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