Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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