You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
