considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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