I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
