She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
