He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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