and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
