Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
