New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
