there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize