hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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