Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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