I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize