Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
