I just pynch a tree in the face
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
