Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone shattered a urinal.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
