i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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