Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
