apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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