What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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