May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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