tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
