she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
