I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
