I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
40s are totally the cure
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
