I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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