Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
MIDGETS
????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize