All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
