Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
