I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
