i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
