I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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