She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
