Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
