I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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