I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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