i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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