im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
