Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
