I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize