Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want to be your penis for a week.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
