So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
