if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
