i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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