I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
