I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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