Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
