I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
