I look better un-naked...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize