She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
as a side note pls kill me
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