i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
