suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
