I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
